I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
