Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
