i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
