I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
