I threw up into my coffee this morning.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
