I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
