totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
