State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
