I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
