His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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