....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
