i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
