dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
