I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
