it was like his penis was on wheels.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
