My room smells like vodka and shame
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
