I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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