I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
