Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
