Plan B is the new Plan A
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
