thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
