So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
