I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
