my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
