I murdered the dance floor call the cops
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
