get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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