She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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