Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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