It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
