I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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