I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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