I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
