Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
