sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
i now understand why vodka
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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