Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
