Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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