When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
