and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Randomize
