They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
