i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
