I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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