I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
