He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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