ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
i think i just lost a toe
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
