I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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