Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
