youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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