Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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