If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
