look no pants
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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